Monday, March 23, 2009
19 years and a flashback
There was a time in my life when I never wanted to share my "testimony" because of all that I have done wrong and all the wrong that has been done to me. I think that it is one area where God has really been changing me. To go from a fear of what others may think to a fear (healthy fear) of what my Lord may think. 1990 was a census year, I was 17(soon to be 18)years old and had my first baby on this day (3/23). I have been trying to look back and see God in my life during that time. It is hard but I know that He was there.
I was homeless (at least thats what was checked on the census) living at a roach motel. My home life before was bad my dad and step-mom were using serious drugs daily. No one ever slept and my dad had to let me boyfriend move in (mostly for protection). I think that I wanted to be "good" and I would have loved school but when there is partying all night long it is hard to sleep, which makes it hard to go to school.
Many things transpired to make me leave in my 5 month of pregnancy. In the beginning we went from place to place. Where ever we could find to sleep. Finally ending up at a hotel with weekly rates and a small kitchen.
My boyfriend was way to young (althought he was older than me) and immature to handle having a pregnant girlfriend much less a baby. I was alone a lot of the time while he went out and played with his friends. I am sure all of this contributed to my codependency problem.
March 23 I was working (on month before my due date) when my water broke! I was so scared I had no idea what I was going to do. My boss gave me a ride to the hospital and I was left to have a baby. Things went fast once they hooked me up to the pec drip. I was only in labor 49 minutes. Through most of it I was blessed with a nurse that cared (which I was more attentive but I have no idea what her name is). Which was a good thing since my boyfriend left thinking that he has enough time to go out and celebrate with his buddies(he did manage to make it back just minutes before Z was born).
My life totally changed when I first held Z. He was so little (5lbs 3oz) and so cute. I wanted so much more for us! This was one of the turning points in my life. I knew that it would not be easy and it has never been. Although now I am blessed to be married to a wonderful man that adopted my son when he was a little boy.
We ended up in a program for teen moms and I worked, went to school and raised this beautiful child that God gave to me. I had lots to learn I didn't come from a home where things were "normal".
I still have lots to learn but I know that despite how hard it has been I would never change I thing. That's enough for today I will try to continue this later but now I am off to make birthday pancakes!!
Happy Birthday Zack!